February is...Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

Although we should be talking about this all year young...February is a good place to start.

It's teen dating violence awareness month. The statistics are overwhelming...1 in 3 teens are victims. And sometimes we have no idea how to talk about it. As adults, we need to spark a conversation. As a teen, we need to talk to others about what's right and wrong in our lives and relationships. And now's a good a time as any!

Start by talking about healthy relationships...Ask the question--What is a healthy relationship?

It can be hard to even answer that question, but this is a great place to start. Ask questions and determine what a healthy relationship means to you, to your teen, to your friends. Then build from there.

Throughout the month, I will be covering healthy relationships in more detail. We will talk about signs of an unhealthy relationship. I will share information on how to spot signs and how to get help.

Make sure you keep coming back throughout the month for fun facts, important information, and fun contests and give-a-ways!!!!


And while you are at it, join in and help raise awareness on this serious issue.

It's important to get involved. Join Loveisrespect.org throughout the month...

How Can You Get Involved? (From loveisrespect.org)

There are lots of ways you can join the conversation and help raise awareness about dating violence! Mark your calendars for our events:

• Feb. 8: “Love is Respect, Online and Off!” Twitter chat at 6:30 p.m. CT. Cohosted by That’s Not Cool! Follow #teendvchat to join.
• Feb. 13-17: Respect Week! Download our Respect Week Guide on the Teen DV Month page for event and activity ideas.
• Feb. 14: On Valentine’s Day, we wear #orange4love! Let us know you’ll be wearing orange on our Facebook event page, and be sure to share your pics with us!
• Feb. 15: ”Let’s Talk About Respect + Sex, Baby” Twitter chat at 7 p.m. CT. Follow #teendvchat to join.
• Feb. 17: National Respect Announcement. Join our Thunderclap and help spread the message that everyone deserves a healthy relationship!
• Feb. 23: Join our webinar, “Teens Helping Teens: Empowering Young People to Support Each Other” at 3:30 p.m. CT. During this webinar, aimed at adult allies (educators, parents, programs, organizations), we’ll be discussing tips and strategies for empowering young people to support one another. Register here!

 Hope to see you joining in!

Come back here for more information and fun give-a-ways throughout the month

Best,

Becca

#RespectWeek2016 and #Orange4love

It's #RespectWeek2016


And tomorrow, Tuesday, February 9, 2016 is:

Wear Orange Day

Wear Orange Day is a national day of awareness where we encourage everyone to wear orange in honor of Teen DV Month.Wear orange shirts, nail polish, ribbons, jewelry, shoes or anything else you can think of! Tell people why you are wearing orange and post pictures and updates on instagram or twitter or Facebook using the hashtags #Orange4Love and#RespectWeek2016.

Help raise awareness for Teen Dating Violence. Join me on social media, encourage others to join the cause, wear orange, host a wear orange contest, create displays, join in on the announcement this Friday, hang up posters, start a conversation, and....

What things can you think of to help raise awareness on teen dating violence?

Did you see the psa from No More that aired during the Super Bowl

 #NoMore

I hope you all join me this week- even if you just send out one tweet or wear orange- it's important to spread awareness on teen dating violence. 1 in 3 is too many.

Best to all,
Becca

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month- February 4th is Time to Talk Day

This month gives us an opportunity to shed light on a very devastating epidemic. 1 in 3 teens will experience some form of dating violence this year. 

And dating violence can happen to any teen, any race, any place, any time. 

Dating violence can be emotional, sexual, financial, digital, stalking, verbal, and/or physical.

And Today is Time to Talk Day:

Conversations about healthy relationships are happening all across the country on NO MORE Silence: It's Time To Talk Day! 

Get Involved:

• Pledge to have a conversation with a young person in your life about healthy relationships on It's Time To Talk Day, Feb. 4, 2014. See where conversations and events are happening nationwide
• Tell two people about It's Time To Talk Day, and encourage them to do the same! Tools to help start the conversation
• Become an advocate: Join the Love Is Not Abuse Coalition, a group of thousands of healthy relationship advocates who have made it their mission to bring education and other dating abuse prevention resources to their families and communities. Click here to join.
• Attend (and invite friends to) a Talk-A-Thon near you! Break the Cycle will host a national Talk-A-Thon in New York City that anyone can participate in and support. Click here for details and to RSVP!
• Host an It's Time To Talk Day Talk-A-Thon in your community!These dynamic conversation events will bring groups of parents and advocates, large and small, together to learn, share and talk about this important issue. The Talk-A-Thon Guide has everything you need to host your own.

Click here for more information on Time to Talk Day

About the Day:

Hosted by Break the Cycle's Love Is Not Abuse Campaign, It’s Time To Talk Day is an annual awareness day that aims to generate conversations about healthy relationships and prevent teen dating violence and abuse.

Starting a conversation about a tough topic can be hard. Sometimes a good book can help start the difficult discussion. Break From You is a young adult novel that focuses on teen dating abuse.

Click here to check out the discussion questions for a book group or classroom. 

Join me throughout the month of February in raising awareness. 

The history of Teen DV month:

For years, young people across the nation have organized to put a stop to dating abuse. With their adult allies, they achieved a major victory in 2005 when the importance of addressing teen dating abuse was highlighted in the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act.

The following year, Congress followed the lead of dozens of national, state and local organizations in sounding the call to end dating abuse. Both Chambers declared the first full week in February "National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Week." Then in 2010, they began dedicating the entire month of February to teen dating violence awareness and prevention. 

Speak Out Against...

October has been a busy month with Domestic Violence Awareness Month and National Bullying Prevention Month. Organizations have been speaking out against the devastating issues of violence. Pacer.org reminds us that "the end of bullying begins with me." Stopbullying.org tells us to "be more than a bystander." Loveisrespect.org has teamed up with Mary Kay to provide a safe place for teens to text for support, and they have joined in on the No More campaign.

As October comes to an end, I'm hoping that raising awareness of these devastating issues won't.

Please join Susan Oloier and I during the month of November for the Speak Out Against...YA Book Tour.

I'm honored and thrilled to be traveling around the blogosphere with Susan, visiting everyone's sites. Our tour will include topics related to the release of Break From You (YA contemporary fiction on dating abuse) and Outcast (YA contemporary fiction on bullying,) giveaways, ways to speak out against the tough issues of bullying and dating abuse, parental advisories, happy ending vs. tragic endings, bullying today vs. bullying twenty years ago, the facts of dating abuse, related popular culture, and indie publishing tips.

It's time to raise our voices and Speak Out Against...!

I will keep everyone posted on our tour, so that you can join Susan and I as we visit everyone's sites.

If have a blog and are interested in hosting us during the month of November, please sign up using the linky tool below and we will contact you soon with the details. We hope you want to stand up with us and Speak Out. We would love to visit your site.

See everyone on our tour!







 

A Silent Epidemic

Teen Dating Violence

Although we almost never hear anything about it, teen dating violence is on the rise. Nearly 1 in 3 teens report being abused by their partners and nearly half of all date rapes reported occur among teens.

This last Thursday, September 20, 2012, Katie Couric focused on dating violence during her new talk show. Sharon and Lexie Love, mother and sister of Yeardley Love broke their silence to speak up about Yeardley's murder. Survivor Quasona Cobb spoke about her past abusive relationship, and the show also shared warning signs of dating abuse and how to get help.

Here is a link to the entire show on Katie Couric's website http://www.katiecouric.com/on-the-show/2012/09/20/sharon-lexie-love-and-dating-violence/



Yeardley Love, a young, vibrant college student was found murdered in her apartment on May 3, 2010. Two years later on February 22, 2012, George Huguely, Yeardley's ex-boyfriend, was found guilty of second degree murder and grand larceny. In August, he was sentenced to 23 years for 2nd degree murder and one year for the grand larceny, which are to run concurrently.






Quasona Cobb is survivor of dating violence and an advocate against domestic violence and sexual abuse.

Too many victims remain silent out of embarrassment, ridicule, shame, and fear. But if we don't talk about abuse, the cycle will continue. It is important to raise awareness of this epidemic.


The cycle of abuse- (picture from hearts2heal.com)

"I love you," he said, and I believed that, too. I believed he loved me so much it hurt. But love shouldn't hurt this much. -Brooke Myers from Break From You (coming soon)

Break From You Cover Reveal

Break From You (YA contemporary)


Love shouldn't hurt this much...

Brooke Myers wants to believe she has it all: the perfect guy, the perfect relationship, the perfect life. She wants to believe it so much, she’s willing to overlook all the pain her boyfriend, Drew, has caused her and forgive him for it. She always forgives. And she loves him. She loves him so much, she has pushed away all her friends and stopped doing the things she once enjoyed. She knows it isn’t right but tells herself that love isn’t easy. Until she finds herself lost in the middle of a burning restaurant during homecoming dinner and it isn’t Drew that saves her but the new boy, Cooper West. She forms an instant bond with Cooper, one Drew wouldn’t like. With the pain of a concussion reminding her of how bad things can get, she is forced to re-evaluate the abusive relationship she has with Drew and face the ghosts that haunt her. She once believed love was all it took…but is it enough? Is it truly love when you've lost yourself in it?

Break From You will be available this fall

What's Going On?

On my bookshelf (current reads)- Lord of the Flies by William Golding (I haven't had much reading time this summer...but I've been trying to re-read a few classics. Up next is Catcher in the Rye.)

In the DVD player- Lord of the Flies directed by Peter Brook (I love reading a book and then watching the movie version to see how the writers and directors depicted the book. It's been a while since I've seen the movie. Maybe I'll give a review after I finish both...)




On the TV- Bachelorette ( I hate to admit it, but I got sucked in...who will Emily choose????) and the Glee Project





On my MP3- The Script, some Train, Gavin DeGraw, and a little Brad Paisley and Luke Bryan

On my ringtone- Firework by Katy Perry (Always need a little inspiration!)

On my computer- My manuscript for Break From You (almost done with edits) and samples of the cover art for Break From You (I'm oh so close...) I am preparing for the upcoming release (to be announced soon) for my debut novel on teen dating abuse. Also on my computer are drafts for upcoming blog posts on dating abuse "in the news" and statistics that I will be posting before the release of my novel.



On my calendar- Play time! (Just rolled off summer season swim team where I was involved 100% as president. I felt like I had little time for anything else. I am excited to really focus on myself, my family, and my writing! I have some fun outings planned in the near future- camping, rafting, canoeing, swim parks...all kinds of fun stuff during some vacation time in the next month.)






What's going on with you???

Editing, Editing, Editing...

I have been deep in final edits and finishing up the cover art for my novel Break From You.  I am getting closer and closer...and hopefully I will have a release date soon!

But...until then I'd thought I'd give you a little teaser...


"I love you, too," I parroted, and as I said the words, my heart sank. I wanted to mean them. At one time I had, or at least I thought I had, but something was wrong, something didn't feel right. I could sense an ache deep inside me. Maybe it was anger, maybe frustration, maybe the need to forgive, but it felt more like loss. More like a sadness, as though something was missing, and I couldn't figure out what was causing it.

Brooke, from Break From You, a YA contemporary novel on dating abuse.


Coming soon.

Excuses

Raising Awareness on Dating Abuse

If Only...
A short story/ flash fiction

He stood there, staring at her. One hand held the fabric of her shirt, the other stung from contact with her face. Her eyes were wide, terror filling every inch of her. 

What had he done? Why had he done it?

"Oh my God," he says, anger and jealousy draining from him. "I didn't mean to...you just make me so mad. If you wouldn't make me so mad, I wouldn't..." his voice trails off.

She stares at him, almost through him, her expression blank.Why wasn't she listening to him? He couldn't for the life of him figure it out. Behind him someone approaches. He lets her go, and she almost falls. Grabbing her arm, he steadies her and then puts an arm around her waist to pull her close.

"What is going on here?" the teacher says. 

"Nothing, nothing at all," he responds without a breath.

"Then let's get to class." the teacher walks away, and they are left alone once again. No one else notices them.

He can tell that tears are on the verge of streaming down her face. "Don't cry," he says in a soft voice. "Please. I'm so sorry. You know I have a temper, and I don't mean it. If only...if only you wouldn't make me so angry. It won't happen again. I would never hurt you, not intentionally."

-RGG

Excuses, excuses, excuses...

To excuse, to make an apology for, to remove blame, to grant exemption

Regardless of how it's defined, excusing something means to let go of what was done and not accept it, nor take responsibility for it. Excuses and excusing are huge parts to the cycle of abuse.

Some common excuses:

"I was just joking..."
"You made me angry..."
"It won't happen again..."
"It's not violence..."
"It was just a shove, I would never hurt you..."
"Trust me; I wouldn't hurt you. I love you..."
"Aren't I more important than...you, them, your friends, your activities, your parents, etc..."
"You make me so mad..."
"If you wouldn't have done such and such..."
"You hit me first..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it..."
"I was drunk..."

Most abusers are sorry. Remorse is a pattern of abuse. The abuse happens, apologies are given, excuses accepted, and then the cycle happens all over again. The abuser will do many things to make up for what they know is wrong. Gifts like flowers, jewelry, cards, anything to help take away the remorse. The gifts are accepted, the cycle continued.

Remember: it is important to recognize and understand the warning signs of abuse and learn the excuses that may be given so a healthy relationship can develop and abuse can be stopped.

Lucky 7 Meme Challenge

I was tagged by Amanda Fanger for the Lucky 7 Meme Challenge. (How exciting! Thanks Amanda!)



Here are the rules: (although I have noticed they vary- as long as it has to do with 7's-it looks like anything is game.)

1. Go to page 77 of your current WIP MS
2. Go to line 7
3. Copy down the next 7 lines – sentences or paragraphs – and post them as they’re written. No cheating!
4. Tag 7 authors
5. Let each and every one of them know


Right now I am working on final edits, cover art, and formatting for Break From You, a young adult novel on dating abuse. 

Break From You- After being rescued from a burning restaurant the night of homecoming, seventeen year old Brooke Myers' falls for the boy who saves her life and is forced to re-evaluate her relationship with her abusive boyfriend and face the things she once thought were perfect.

So here goes...7 lines from pg 77 in the manuscript of Break From You

  

“What?” he said with actual shock in his tone. “You think I’m going to hit you?”

“No,” I lied. 

He leaned down and kissed my neck close to my ear. “I love you,” he whispered. His face softened as he brushed a strand of hair out of my face.

I stared at him, stunned. I had to quickly close my mouth as I was sure it was gaping open. He had just said he loved me. I couldn’t believe it. He said the three most amazing words ever. All else was easily forgotten.

With his hand at the base of my neck, he pulled me close and kissed me on the forehead. Moving his hand to my jaw line, he raised my chin. I met his eyes.

“I love you,” he repeated. “I would never hurt you.”He stepped back and smiled.

When he walked away, I was left standing there, wondering why I believed him when my arm was throbbing in pain.

Look out for my tweet for the next lucky 7!

 

Hard to Say Goodbye

An excerpt from Break From You, my contemporary YA novel about dating abuse:

I questioned why I had even come, why I let him convince me of his innocence once again. What he did to me was wrong, this I knew. I had to let go. But why it was so hard to say goodbye was beyond me. I had a hard time finding the strength, even though I knew I needed to.  Maybe it was because we had been together for over a year now, maybe it was because I knew relationships weren’t always easy, or maybe it was because I knew I loved him. 

(-Brooke Myers in Break From You)

There are many reasons victims stay in abusive relationships. And like Brooke, they may not even be able to pinpoint why they stay. Brooke wants to believe she has it all: the perfect guy, the perfect relationship, the perfect life. She wants to believe it so much, she’s willing to overlook all the pain her boyfriend, Drew, has caused her and forgive him for it. Besides, she loves him- isn't that enough? She thinks it is. But is it truly love when you've lost yourself in it?

There is a cycle to an abusive relationship. Most victims know it is wrong, but they can't seem to escape. They easily forgive and make excuses. It could be due to fear- fear of rejection, fear of isolation, fear of loss, fear of being seriously hurt, or fear of the partner that keeps them from walking away. Or it's because of love, embarrassment, thinking the abuse is normal, or having low self-esteem. Some stay due to the pressures of peers, culture, or religion. Maybe they are pregnant or they distrust adults and/or authority. Feeling shameful about the abuse also stops victims from seeking or wanting to get help. Being dependent on the partner for money, food, or shelter will also keep many from leaving.

It doesn't matter what the reason is...breaking free from abuse is hard and takes a lot of strength. If you know someone in an abusive relationship the most important thing to do is be there for them and listen. Do not judge them. Let them know they have options and there are others who can help. 

If you are in an abusive relationship, know that there is help! 


Sometimes there feels like there is no...

Ask for help!

For more information please go to loveisrespect.org or breakthecycle.org


 

Continue to Raise Awareness!

Hearts on your sleeve, shoelaces, socks...whatever it might be, make sure you find a way to start the conversation on dating abuse. The month of February has ended but raising awareness and prevention about dating abuse shouldn't.

As I sat back and watched the Huguely trial this month, I was reminded of how prevalent dating abuse is in our society. Stories of abuse surface in our news regularly, a scary observation considering how the majority of victims remain silent.

Yet, we are still confused by abuse. Those having never experienced abuse before are wondering how anyone would ever let it happen, why the abused person didn't just leave. Those caught in the cycle of abuse are continuing to make and accept excuses, allowing the pattern to repeat itself over and over. Maybe the Huguely trial can remind us of how hard it is to break from abusiveness and therefore increase the need for prevention and awareness.

George Westley Huguely was born in September of 1987. He grew up in Maryland, attending an all-boys school and excelling in both lacrosse and football. He went on to attend the University of Virgina where he continued to play lacrosse. He formed a relationship with Yeardley Love, a member of the lacrosse and field hockey teams. Yeardley Love was found dead in her apartment on the morning of May 3, 2010. Cause of death was blunt force trauma. George Huguely was arrested on the suspicion of her death.

George Huguely was charged with first degree murder, felony murder, robbery of a residence, burglary, entering a house with an intent to commit a felony, and grand larceny. His trail took place during the month of February 2012. Throughout the trail, it was reported that he kept his head down, displaying clear signs of remorse. The defense presented many excuses for Huguely and his behavior and explained that he didn't mean to kill her. George Huguely's attorneys told juriors that he had made mistakes and was "immersed in a life of sports, sex, and alcohol." Regardless of the excuses, Yeardley Love was dead. The facts were presented. Witnesses took the stand. (For more information please google Huguely trail)

The jury felt he didn't mean it. Thank goodness they didn't excuse it. On February 22, 2012, George Huguely was found guilty of second degree murder and grand larceny. He is being held in the Albemarle-Charlottesville Regional Jail, awaiting sentencing.

During a press conference, the prosecution stated that there were "no winners, nothing but loss everywhere."

This case reminds us that abuse is everywhere and can happen to anyone, regardless of race, social economic status, sexual orientation, age, religion, or gender.  Abuse can be in the form of emotional, physical, sexual, economical, or psychological. Abuse can get bad, bad enough to cause death.

Even though February had ended, the reasons to raise awareness and prevention have not. Get out there and continue to where your heart on your sleeve!

My Heart is on My Sleeve!

February is National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month.

The statistics are ugly. The numbers are only rising. According to the Center for Disease Control (cdc.gov), nearly 10% of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically abused by a dating partner. Another survey states that one in three teens are a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner (teendvmonth.org). Only 33% of teens who are in an abusive relationship will report the abuse, and 81% of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue (teendvmonth.org).

This year someone you know will be physically, emotionally, or verbally abused, and they probably won’t tell you. It’s time to talk openly about healthy and unhealthy relationships. It's time to raise awareness, to provide education, and to promote prevention.

For the entire month of February, wear your heart on your sleeve. I am! Make your own or go online to download an already designed heart.

Get the conversation started. Spread the word. Prevent the cycle of abuse.