Excuses

Raising Awareness on Dating Abuse

If Only...
A short story/ flash fiction

He stood there, staring at her. One hand held the fabric of her shirt, the other stung from contact with her face. Her eyes were wide, terror filling every inch of her. 

What had he done? Why had he done it?

"Oh my God," he says, anger and jealousy draining from him. "I didn't mean to...you just make me so mad. If you wouldn't make me so mad, I wouldn't..." his voice trails off.

She stares at him, almost through him, her expression blank.Why wasn't she listening to him? He couldn't for the life of him figure it out. Behind him someone approaches. He lets her go, and she almost falls. Grabbing her arm, he steadies her and then puts an arm around her waist to pull her close.

"What is going on here?" the teacher says. 

"Nothing, nothing at all," he responds without a breath.

"Then let's get to class." the teacher walks away, and they are left alone once again. No one else notices them.

He can tell that tears are on the verge of streaming down her face. "Don't cry," he says in a soft voice. "Please. I'm so sorry. You know I have a temper, and I don't mean it. If only...if only you wouldn't make me so angry. It won't happen again. I would never hurt you, not intentionally."

-RGG

Excuses, excuses, excuses...

To excuse, to make an apology for, to remove blame, to grant exemption

Regardless of how it's defined, excusing something means to let go of what was done and not accept it, nor take responsibility for it. Excuses and excusing are huge parts to the cycle of abuse.

Some common excuses:

"I was just joking..."
"You made me angry..."
"It won't happen again..."
"It's not violence..."
"It was just a shove, I would never hurt you..."
"Trust me; I wouldn't hurt you. I love you..."
"Aren't I more important than...you, them, your friends, your activities, your parents, etc..."
"You make me so mad..."
"If you wouldn't have done such and such..."
"You hit me first..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it..."
"I was drunk..."

Most abusers are sorry. Remorse is a pattern of abuse. The abuse happens, apologies are given, excuses accepted, and then the cycle happens all over again. The abuser will do many things to make up for what they know is wrong. Gifts like flowers, jewelry, cards, anything to help take away the remorse. The gifts are accepted, the cycle continued.

Remember: it is important to recognize and understand the warning signs of abuse and learn the excuses that may be given so a healthy relationship can develop and abuse can be stopped.