I am sad. I am scared. I am angry.
The hardest thing to do right now is to trust. It is near impossible to let those I love out of my sight and believe they will be okay. How do I tell them to trust that they'll be safe when I don't even know if I believe it myself?
And I would think that after all that has happened, people would come together and treat each other with kindness. Yet, after my experience this weekend, I'm left wondering...
I had to go to an establishment at the mall this weekend for a holiday event. I arrived and found the parking lot to be full. After driving up and down the aisles for a while, I saw someone backing out. I stopped and waited, putting on my turn signal as a sign of wanting the soon open parking space. As I waited, a car turned up the aisle and whipped into the spot. I was completely stunned. Calmly, I pulled up behind the car and stuck my head out the window. "That was mean," I said in a kind voice. (Really!) I have to note that I was not angry. Upset and stunned that someone would do that, yes, but not angry. All I wanted to do was call them out on their rudeness. The passenger, a women, started to yell at me and tell me what a horrible person I was. (I mean wow...she didn't even know me and had to explain to me what a bad individual I was and how much of a bad influence I was.) It was crazy. Then the driver got out. She was also a women. She turned red in the face and screamed at me. "This was my spot. I've been driving around, and I got here first. You can walk." Well, of course I can walk, (if I had found a spot,) but that wasn't the point. I smiled at her and her passenger who was still screaming at me and telling me how horrible I was. I couldn't believe how irate they were. It was actually pretty funny. I really could care less about the spot in the end, I was just upset someone would be so rude and called them out on it. (and I remind you, I never yelled...) They knew they were in the wrong because they sprung from their car ready to "fight", screaming and yelling. A simple "I'm sorry" would have been nice. Or an "Oh, I had no idea." Before they finished their rounds of yelling, I said, "Well, I hope that made you feel better. Have a wonderful day." She wasn't happy with my response and screamed, "Merry Christmas to you, too," in a really nasty and sarcastic tone. I was not looking for a fight, so I drove away, stunned and shocked that people acted like that. In the end, it actually brought tears to my eyes that someone could be that rude especially after all that has happened. You'd think last weeks events would be a reminder of how precious life is. A reminder that we are all human, we all have loved ones, we all have feelings, we are all no more or no less important than the other. You would think people would try to be a little kinder to others.
I am saddened.
And yet I want to hold hope. I want to believe most people care. The following day on my adventure to the grocery store, I made a point to smile nicely to everyone. I do not live in a small town, so store visits are not greeted with those I know. And when it is busy, most people rudely push their way through the store. But I was amazed at how a simple gesture changed most of the shopper's frown to a smile and some even started saying "hello."
I hope that as we continue to heal as a nation from this horrible act of evil, we can trust in each other, turn to each other, and be there for each other. It is important to treat others with kindness, to help others. I think it is important to call others out and not just stand by when they are being mean or bullying. I think it is important to reach out for help when we can't handle things by ourselves anymore. I think it is important to educate, talk about, and not alienate mental illness.
Please join me in standing together.
My heart goes out to everyone in Newtown, Connecticut. They will forever be in my thoughts.